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Description
The following story is not intended to be clever, intelligent, or anything remarkable. Nor is it an attempt to do "fan-fiction", and show off my 'love' for the genre, and lore.
This, is an experiment into writing.
What my aim is, is to see if what I write makes sense, that the story and narrative flows alright, that the characters have character, and that there is emotion. I think the last thing is VERY important, so I hope when one read's, one feels.
What my writing will not be containing, are these:
First, no gross sex; no hot romps, no bed-hopping, or that; its not because I am a prude, I have tried it, and to be honest I felt embarrassed and stupid doing it. I just find such things are distractions and easy attractions at best, and compensation for lackluster at worse.
Second; this is not going to be a sad male fantasy; I am not making a character based on myself that is "omnipotent, godlike, and what EVERY WOMAN WANTS!!!" Nor am I going to do a character based on my neurosis - i.e. some hard ass who kicks the shit out of everyone, all obey said person without question, and saves the day no matter how immoral the means are to achieve victory. I think that is a sign of vanity, pity, and a clear case that something in their lives has not gone to plan. Usually they are nobodies.
Third; it's an experiment; if the writing works, it works; if it stinks, it stinks - but I would like to know why and be told why; I will not be one of these idiots who will rant "HOW DARE YOU CRITICIZE MY STUFF!!!!" If one puts their work up, expect people to do two things; they will either comment or not. If one cannot tolerate any criticism (and there are some with that brittle an ego!) don't cry and whine when no one says anything. Sometimes silence can be more devastating than any acknowledgement.
Finally, I regard it as an item, an element; I don't want adoration but if one loves it, so be it; same if one hates it. At the end of the day, just read and move on. Its important to me to know what I do works, but its not critical to my life.
So why the Trek Universe?
Simple; to me it is the best balance (prior to JJ Abrams' nastiness) of a sci-fi world that has been made so far; it has empires, it has characters, it has a universe, and a purpose in ways.
Many would bleat that other franchises are better, and in ways they are, but some better franchises have either not been given enough love, or way too much.
I would go into them, but I cannot be arsed.
So what is the story about?
It is set in the period between Star Trek IV and Star Trek VI; it is in a way, what I wished the terrible Star Trek V could have been; having said that, in light of the movies that have come to pass, Will's pic's failure were not all of his own making, and its rather a tragedy to film making, than an atrocity..
As for the story, well...that I will leave you to figure out; and if you do, then I have done my job. If not, back to the drawing board...
I have done it in a PDF, for easier reading, and to make it look 'neat'; I hope it works
One more thing: it has a lot of strong language - so those of an easily offended nature, please proceed no further.
The rest, enjoy
This, is an experiment into writing.
What my aim is, is to see if what I write makes sense, that the story and narrative flows alright, that the characters have character, and that there is emotion. I think the last thing is VERY important, so I hope when one read's, one feels.
What my writing will not be containing, are these:
First, no gross sex; no hot romps, no bed-hopping, or that; its not because I am a prude, I have tried it, and to be honest I felt embarrassed and stupid doing it. I just find such things are distractions and easy attractions at best, and compensation for lackluster at worse.
Second; this is not going to be a sad male fantasy; I am not making a character based on myself that is "omnipotent, godlike, and what EVERY WOMAN WANTS!!!" Nor am I going to do a character based on my neurosis - i.e. some hard ass who kicks the shit out of everyone, all obey said person without question, and saves the day no matter how immoral the means are to achieve victory. I think that is a sign of vanity, pity, and a clear case that something in their lives has not gone to plan. Usually they are nobodies.
Third; it's an experiment; if the writing works, it works; if it stinks, it stinks - but I would like to know why and be told why; I will not be one of these idiots who will rant "HOW DARE YOU CRITICIZE MY STUFF!!!!" If one puts their work up, expect people to do two things; they will either comment or not. If one cannot tolerate any criticism (and there are some with that brittle an ego!) don't cry and whine when no one says anything. Sometimes silence can be more devastating than any acknowledgement.
Finally, I regard it as an item, an element; I don't want adoration but if one loves it, so be it; same if one hates it. At the end of the day, just read and move on. Its important to me to know what I do works, but its not critical to my life.
So why the Trek Universe?
Simple; to me it is the best balance (prior to JJ Abrams' nastiness) of a sci-fi world that has been made so far; it has empires, it has characters, it has a universe, and a purpose in ways.
Many would bleat that other franchises are better, and in ways they are, but some better franchises have either not been given enough love, or way too much.
I would go into them, but I cannot be arsed.
So what is the story about?
It is set in the period between Star Trek IV and Star Trek VI; it is in a way, what I wished the terrible Star Trek V could have been; having said that, in light of the movies that have come to pass, Will's pic's failure were not all of his own making, and its rather a tragedy to film making, than an atrocity..
As for the story, well...that I will leave you to figure out; and if you do, then I have done my job. If not, back to the drawing board...
I have done it in a PDF, for easier reading, and to make it look 'neat'; I hope it works
One more thing: it has a lot of strong language - so those of an easily offended nature, please proceed no further.
The rest, enjoy
Mature
© 2016 - 2024 Colourbrand
Comments39
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All right, finally I get to make a proper comment.
Okay, lets list what I have to say because it might be a lot.
First of all, the most important stuff - characterization. I once read someone's comments about makign a proper story, and one of the things insisted upon was 'characterization, characterization, characterization'. Basically, if ou don't have proper characters properly laid down, it will be difficult to leave a mark on the reader, or at least a lasting one. We are driven by emotions, after all, and connecting emotionally with characters makes a big difference (hence why I love Zootopia so much although there is not a single human in sight - the characterization gives those animals a humanity many human characters in other stories fail to accomplish, but I digress). That you have managed with flying colors. I adore how you've presented the characters and their current place in life. I'll admit I do not remember most of the Star Trek movies. I only saw a few episodes of either tv show, and of all movies, the one I recall the most is The Motion Picture, mostly because of how unique it was in many ways. But I know the characters still, and I think you've described them quite well, mostly you've provided a facet we are seldom given, what even heroes, if you may, can be driven into when things go bad. Everyone has their limits, and it eats away at you.
I do enjoy the worldbuilding too, the grayish area where you place the Federation is something I do adore personally. I do not like settings where one side contains all the good guys, and the other all the bad guys. Life is way more complex, and I like a well-rounded universe with well-rounded factions. Some may be darker than others, but there has to be an explanation for it.
All in all, it feels like one old pulp sci-fi novel, something you could easily find in a bookstore. It is fun, solid, and only complicated enough to make it thrilling and grab the reader. I'm having a blast!
Now, some notes.
There are a few typos, nothing too important, but I would like to advert for the following;
It is usually advisable to avoid semi-colons in fiction writing. That is mostly because it represents a middle-way between a full stop and a small separation of ideas. Usually you will want to be evident about the ideas you are separating. Even if their are interconnected, a full stop may be the safest way to go, in order to more efficiently separate the ideas provided. On the other hand, an hifen can provide that separation if one idea drives into another. Something to contemplate, it isn't game-breaking, but makes for a more elegant text.
Also, when you are driving a conversation, it is advisable to put the reference to the character who is speaking in either the previous paragraph in the same in which his dialogue is put. I found myself confused in that last argument, and at certain points I wasn't sure about who was saying what. You could organize the dialogue differently without chnaging sentences really.For example
("It is only logical." That annoyed Jim, so he piped in to drive the point home.
"You cannot do that, Spock."
- that passes as somewhat confusing. Who said it wasn't logical? Jim or Spock? But a little rephrasing makes wonders -
"It is only logical."
That annoyed Jim, so he piped in to drive the point home. "You cannot do that, Spock."
- can also go as -
"It is only Logical."
That annoyed Jim, so he piped in to drive the point home.
"You cannot do that Spock.")
Finally, it would be nice if you gave some more description of the machines and the species. I am not a Star Trek fan, so when you referenced the woman with the children, I had to google to know what you were talking about. You don't need to go into too mach detail, but something like - the flappy faced woman - to drive home what that alien is supposed to look like.
Now, please to not see my comments as negative, I just want to help, because I am enjoying the story, I just wanted to show how you can do it even better. Now, I'll go read the rest because I need to know what happens next.
Okay, lets list what I have to say because it might be a lot.
First of all, the most important stuff - characterization. I once read someone's comments about makign a proper story, and one of the things insisted upon was 'characterization, characterization, characterization'. Basically, if ou don't have proper characters properly laid down, it will be difficult to leave a mark on the reader, or at least a lasting one. We are driven by emotions, after all, and connecting emotionally with characters makes a big difference (hence why I love Zootopia so much although there is not a single human in sight - the characterization gives those animals a humanity many human characters in other stories fail to accomplish, but I digress). That you have managed with flying colors. I adore how you've presented the characters and their current place in life. I'll admit I do not remember most of the Star Trek movies. I only saw a few episodes of either tv show, and of all movies, the one I recall the most is The Motion Picture, mostly because of how unique it was in many ways. But I know the characters still, and I think you've described them quite well, mostly you've provided a facet we are seldom given, what even heroes, if you may, can be driven into when things go bad. Everyone has their limits, and it eats away at you.
I do enjoy the worldbuilding too, the grayish area where you place the Federation is something I do adore personally. I do not like settings where one side contains all the good guys, and the other all the bad guys. Life is way more complex, and I like a well-rounded universe with well-rounded factions. Some may be darker than others, but there has to be an explanation for it.
All in all, it feels like one old pulp sci-fi novel, something you could easily find in a bookstore. It is fun, solid, and only complicated enough to make it thrilling and grab the reader. I'm having a blast!
Now, some notes.
There are a few typos, nothing too important, but I would like to advert for the following;
It is usually advisable to avoid semi-colons in fiction writing. That is mostly because it represents a middle-way between a full stop and a small separation of ideas. Usually you will want to be evident about the ideas you are separating. Even if their are interconnected, a full stop may be the safest way to go, in order to more efficiently separate the ideas provided. On the other hand, an hifen can provide that separation if one idea drives into another. Something to contemplate, it isn't game-breaking, but makes for a more elegant text.
Also, when you are driving a conversation, it is advisable to put the reference to the character who is speaking in either the previous paragraph in the same in which his dialogue is put. I found myself confused in that last argument, and at certain points I wasn't sure about who was saying what. You could organize the dialogue differently without chnaging sentences really.For example
("It is only logical." That annoyed Jim, so he piped in to drive the point home.
"You cannot do that, Spock."
- that passes as somewhat confusing. Who said it wasn't logical? Jim or Spock? But a little rephrasing makes wonders -
"It is only logical."
That annoyed Jim, so he piped in to drive the point home. "You cannot do that, Spock."
- can also go as -
"It is only Logical."
That annoyed Jim, so he piped in to drive the point home.
"You cannot do that Spock.")
Finally, it would be nice if you gave some more description of the machines and the species. I am not a Star Trek fan, so when you referenced the woman with the children, I had to google to know what you were talking about. You don't need to go into too mach detail, but something like - the flappy faced woman - to drive home what that alien is supposed to look like.
Now, please to not see my comments as negative, I just want to help, because I am enjoying the story, I just wanted to show how you can do it even better. Now, I'll go read the rest because I need to know what happens next.